I recently picked up Nancy Kline’s book Time to Think again, and several of its ideas resonated strongly with how I think about leadership, coaching and human relationships.
One of the core ideas of the book is simple, yet very powerful: the quality of our actions depends greatly on the quality of the thinking behind them and the quality of our thinking is strongly influenced by the quality of attention we receive while we are thinking.
This may sound obvious at first. In everyday life, however, it is not always easy to put it into practice.
When we try to help too quickly
As leaders, we often feel that we need to respond.
A question comes up, a problem appears or a decision needs to be made, and we start looking for the solution almost automatically. We give advice, share our experience, make a decision, and try to move the situation forward and close it quickly.
Very often, this is exactly what is needed, because in an organisation not every issue can remain unresolved for long, but not every situation needs an immediate answer either.
Sometimes we help more by not taking over too early and by leaving space for the other person to think through their own answer.
This is familiar not only in leadership situations. Even in our personal lives, we often mean well when we quickly give advice or look for an answer on behalf of someone else. But in doing so, we may unintentionally take away the space in which they could get closer to their own solution.
Attention as real presence
Real attention is not simply about staying silent while the other person is speaking.
Very often, we may appear to be listening, while in our minds we are already thinking about what we are going to say next, what we think should be done or why the situation may have developed in the first place.
Time to Think expresses this by saying that attention is not a technique, but presence, respect and empathy. We do not rush the other person. We do not finish their sentences for them, interrupt their train of thought or fill the silence simply because it feels uncomfortable for us.
This is not always easy, because many of us are used to feeling useful when we add something: an opinion, a perspective, a solution.
And yet, in many situations, we help the most when we are truly able to listen.
Not slowing down, but thinking better
Giving time to thinking is not slowness and it is not indecision either.
It is rather the recognition that in complex situations, the best next step does not always come from the first reaction.
This is especially true when people, change, responsibility, roles or difficult decisions are involved. In these situations, what is usually missing is not an answer from the outside.
What is needed instead is the opportunity to say things out loud and think through what is still only taking shape. And when our thinking gets stuck, having someone who can help us see what is holding us back can make all the difference.
The quality of a conversation can already change when we do not start with ’I think you should do this’ but with ’What would you like to think through?’.
In Nancy Kline’s approach, appreciation also has an important role. A short, factual appreciation at the end of a conversation is not just a polite closing, but a way to reinforce that the other person’s presence, thinking and effort matter.
The right environment for thinking
For me, this also reflects the humanistic, Rogerian approach, which holds that a person is not a ’problem to be fixed’, but a person capable of growth, with autonomy and inner resources.
This is why, in organisational settings and in coaching, it is so important to have a space where people are met with acceptance, genuine attention and empathy; where they do not have to put everything into words immediately, and where even tentative thoughts are given room to take shape.
Very often, people do not arrive at clearer insight because they received a new tool or a ready-made solution. They get there because they finally had time to think the situation through properly.
The quality of a meeting, a 1:1 conversation or even a conversation at home is shaped by more than just the topic. It matters just as much whether we can be present in a way that makes the other person feel not smaller, but equal and valued during the conversation.
This does not mean that we, as leaders, should not make decisions or that we, as people, should not give advice. It simply means that it is worth noticing when a quick answer or advice is needed and when there may be greater value in first giving space to deeper thinking.
Recommended book
Nancy Kline: Time to Think – Listening to Ignite the Human Mind
